Monday, August 3, 2015

A Letter To My Daughter

Dearest Hope,

You are going to be 2 years old in under three months. Lately I've found myself reminiscing about the days when you were tiny. But I also think a lot about your future.

I know that someday you will ask me how old you were when you did things like roll over, crawl, and say your first word.

I will remember some of these things, others are written in your baby book(s). But sometimes I won't have an answer, I already don't remember and I forgot to write it down. You might feel like I failed part of my duty as your mother. (I would know, I thought it about your Nana when I was young and didn't know any better).

I want to tell you something though. I want to tell you a few of the things that I DO remember.

Some of these memories are wonderful, some are sad, or hurt, others might seem selfish. But all of them are part of our journey together.

I remember texting your daddy a picture of that little blue line.

I remember being so scared that we would lose you like Noelle and John.

I remember how I felt when we found out we were having a girl, and we chose your name right then and there.

I remember seeing your beautiful face for the first time.

I remember the nightmare of trying to breastfeed you, and then being attached to the pump every 2 hours for the next 10 days.

I remember how your daddy got up with us every 2 hours to help feed you while I pumped. I also remember how much I cried when he went back to work only a week after you were born.

I remember the joy and relief when you finally latched and nursed and I knew I could put the pump away!

I remember your first real smile.

I remember the first time that Daddy and I left you with Nana so that we could go on a date. It was wonderful and scary all at once.

I remember how proud I was when you started using sign language, even if I don't remember exactly how old you were.

I remember that you got your first two teeth a week before your 1st birthday. (See, there's an age)

I remember your love/hate relationship with the insane outfit I put you in for your birthday party.

I remember all the people that showed their love for you that day.

I remember how excited you were to open gifts on your second Christmas. Just to unwrap them though, you didn't care about what was inside.

I remember when you got your first stomach bug. My heart hurt so much for you.

I remember the smile on your face at Easter when you saw your basket of eggs.

I always remember your laugh.

It also takes a lot of brain space to remember your favorite songs, toys, books, tv shows, and foods. I promise to do my best to to always keep up on those.

Then there are a few things that I pray I remember forever.

I want to remember how excited you were a couple days ago when I bought you a slide. You must have gone down it 100 times already.

I want to remember the way you tease Daddy and me when we ask for a hug or kiss.

I want to remember how beautiful you look when you are sleeping beside me.

I want to remember the sound of you and Daddy playing while I cook. The sound of him making you laugh.

I want to remember how strongly you feel emotions, especially joy.

So my sweet girl, ask away. I will give you answers when I can.
But remember, for every blank space in those baby books, there is a memory that is 100 times more important to me.

Love, your Mama

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